but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
