You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
