hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
