I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
