so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
