Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
