OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
