I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
