Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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