I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
