The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
