I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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