Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
