guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
