i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh god it's open bar.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
