Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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