East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
