I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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