My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
