Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
