I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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