If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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