He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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