So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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