That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
