Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Houston, we have a blender
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
