I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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