I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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