its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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