we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
