I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
