Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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