but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
