I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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