I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
