You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
