I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
