If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
