I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
