He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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