People in love make me want to vomit
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
