hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
