are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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