I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
