I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
