i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
