I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
