He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
