ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want her autograph on my taint
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
