I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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