:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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