I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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